


Mr. Pawsecutor

by glacialphoenix



Category: Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Crack, Humor, Kittens, M/M, first person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glacialphoenix/pseuds/glacialphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miles Edgeworth gets turned into a kitten; Phoenix discovers Maya writes fic about them. Havoc ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mr. Pawsecutor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Salamander](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salamander/gifts).



**Wright & Co. Law Offices  
10.15 AM **

The kitten wriggles grumpily and paws thoughtfully at the ruffled lace collar. It seems to sigh impatiently.

Yeah, of course Edgeworth would have a lace collar even as a cat, and look ridiculously smug while wearing one.

“Maybe next time you’ll learn not to make your ‘rational man of science’ remarks in front of a voodoo priestess.” 

Edgeworth makes a dismissive motion with one paw. 

...Dammit, Edgeworth. Can't you agree with me just this once? I've to take care of you here!

Actually... 

"Meow, meow, kitty kitty kitty kitty..."

Yup. Still has his glare. Same old Edgeworth. Now how do I take care of a kitten who's just stalked off to practice glaring in the mirror?

\------

**Wright & Co. Law Offices  
12\. 30 PM**

 

"Mr. Nick, you have a cat? What's its name?"

"Miles." 

Pearls tilts her head thoughtfully. "Shouldn't you name a pet after your special someone, Mr. Nick? Like Mystic Maya?" 

"Maya isn't magenta, Pearls."

The conversation should've ended there. Thing is, Pearls is quite happy as long as she gets answers to her questions, but Maya likes to speculate about things more personal than burgers, impossible as it may seem. 

"Oh, you got a cat that looks just like him! Hey, it's like the stories I've been writing on your computer, Nick!"

"WHAAAAAAAT?" 

"Oh, um, nothing!"

"Maya, what stories have you been writing on MY computer?!" 

"Come ON, Nick, don't tell me you've never thought Mr. Edgeworth would make a really cute cat."

"Actually, I haven't."

"You're so boring sometimes, Nick. Where's your sense of adventure and the unknown?" 

"It eloped with the money in my wallet." 

She sighs deeply: this probably has less to do with my infinitely boring existence and more to do with the lack of free burgers. 

“If I tell you what’s in the story, Nick, will you pay for my Big Mac?” 

“No. I think I can live without that particular piece of knowledge, thanks.” 

… I’ll check it out later. After all, she wrote it on my computer. 

\---

**Wright & Co. Law Offices   
10: 15 PM **

I don’t really know where Maya gets her idea of ‘a good disguise’... ‘burgersburgersburgers.docx’ has her name written all over it. 

Then again, she doesn’t see anything wrong with ninjas carrying around bright red guitars. 

Oh, and the title _The Prosecutor My Boss Totally Has A Crush On Just Got Turned Into A Cat_ was kind of a giveaway, too. 

...I don’t think I’m going to like where this is going. 

Edgeworth climbs up on my keyboard to see what I’m staring at, and swipes at the screen when he sees the title. I catch him in time. 

“Curiosity killed the cat,” I advise him, solemnly. 

He glares. _Curiosity can kill phoenixes, too._ Or something. Edgeworth has a snappy comeback for everything I say. 

“And if you damage my screen, you’re paying. Mia left this to me, you know.” 

He considers this, then reaches out to swipe at the screen again. 

“And I’ll ask the girls to pet-sit you.” 

Edgeworth stalks off to crouch on the couch, tail held high. Good. That means I can get back to reading Maya’s... story. 

\------

_Phoenix Wright: defense attorney as legendary for his unprecedented successes as for his cheap blue suit._

Hey! It’s not like I can afford a better one, considering you eat me out of house and home... 

_Miles Edgeworth: genius prosecutor, sharp of mind and quick of wit, and always seen clad in magenta. Really, it was pink, but no one sane would disagree with a brilliant prosecutor if he persisted in referring to it as ‘magenta’._

He won’t believe me when I tell him the silk’s faded in the sun a little. Not that he actually spends much time in the sun - he’s in his office all day, and he drives home in that fancy sports car of his, but... one of his suits is getting decidedly pinker. 

_Their personalities were truly quite different - Phoenix was intelligent but reckless, always wearing his heart on his sleeve; Miles was closed-up, calculating, strategic. Yet... when their eyes met across the courtroom, everyone present could feel the electricity in the air, the unspoken challenge hanging between them._

_There were worse things to base a relationship on._

Wh - WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! 

Crap. Edgeworth’s coming over. I didn't mean to yell that out loud... 

_It was inevitable, of course. The battle for dominance in the courtroom; the tension spiking as they duelled with their words and their wit. The nights spent working late, desperately digging up every last shred of information on a crucial case. The way they found themselves forced to team up with each other in their attempts to seek out the truth._

_Of course, they were on opposite sides of the courtroom: practically a forbidden love, for they were both under the media spotlight, and think of the scandal and the resulting damage to their careers! It was a good thing, then, that Miles was prudent and Phoenix sensible enough to go along with his schemes for once. They kept it (mostly) under wraps._

_Even if Phoenix’s desk looked like it could be put to much better use. (After all, the law books on his table were gathering dust.)_

They are not! 

“Edgeworth, stop swiping your paw along that book, it’s not dusty.” 

Actually, that’s because I took a feather duster to it yesterday, but he doesn’t need to know that. 

_There was, however, only so much Phoenix could take. He was, after all, a man who wore his heart on his sleeve; it was unsurprising that he would rather not keep their relationship a secret. Since he had little choice in the matter, however, he opted to channel that desire into other outlets._

Maya... Maya’s writing this?! The title said something about Edgeworth turning into a cat, though... 

...I have my suspicions about what’s going to happen next, but Maya’s actually a good writer. Maybe I should just scroll really quickly until he turns into a cat? 

Yeah. OK. Deep breath, Phoenix. Brace yourself! 

_\-- pinned against the side of the table --_

_\-- divesting him of his tie, which --_

Edgeworth’s doing _what_ with my tie?! Just - just ignore this, Phoenix, unless you want mental trauma to last you a lifeti -- 

“Get off my keyboard, Edgeworth, unless you actually want to read this!” 

Edgeworth refuses to move, instead settling on my keyboard and looking smug. As always. 

“Fine. OK. You can read it if you want. I’m going to find my spare set of clothes and crash on the couch. Goodnight, Miles.” 

\---- 

**Wright & Co. Law Offices  
9:10 AM **

“Good mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorning, Nick! I let myself in with the spare key, so don’t worry, you DID remember to lock the door last night. Where’s your pet pawsecutor?” 

...it’s too early in the day for Maya to be this cheerful. 

“Come on, Nick, wake up! Where’s your pet pawsecutor?” 

I heard her right the first time, then. “Pawsecutor?” 

“The cat’s named after Mr. Edgeworth, isn’t it? So it’s a pawsecutor. Because kittens have paws and Mr. Edgeworth is a prosecutor.” 

“...Maya...” 

“See that, Pearly? Mr. Nick doesn’t have a sense of humour.” 

“Mr. Nick! You should try to laugh at Mystic Maya's jokes! Couples should learn to enjoy the same things!” 

Well geez, forgive me for not being a bright little ray of sunshine. I just got woken up by an overenthusiastic pair of spirit mediums... 

“Anyway, Nick -” Prod. “What’s with the sleepy face?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe I was asleep a minute ago!” 

“Phoenixes are supposed to be birds of the dawn, aren’t they Nick?” 

“I slept through that class!” 

“Right, right. ANYWAY!” She dangles something in front of my face. I push it aside. 

“What’s that?” 

“I made a nametag for Miles! See, it says Pawsecutor Miles Edgeworth.” 

“...I’m not awake enough for this. Go show it to him, Maya. I’ll go wake myself up.” 

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Nick!" 

...In the bathroom? 

At least she can't pester me in there.

I think.

**9:35 AM**

I emerge from the bathroom awake enough to notice Edgeworth has a blue ribbon on his tail, the nametag around his neck, and a long-suffering expression. 

Phone cameras are terribly convenient, aren’t they? At least, I think so. Miles probably disagrees.

“I gave Miles a ribbon! What do you think, Mr. Nick?” 

“Very... nice, Pearls.” 

Miles glowers. 

**12:00 PM**

“Would Mr. Pawsecutor like to join us for lunch? Nick’s treating us to burgers!” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick! You’re really gonna be stingy in front of your new kitty?” 

“Absolutely.” 

“Do you see that, Mr. Pawsecutor? Nick’s a skinflint!” 

“Nick’s in a perpetual state of chronic poverty thanks to your monstrous appetite.” 

“Mr. Pawsecutor” shoots both of us a disdainful look and leaps out of Maya’s arms to sulk somewhere. 

Well, Edgeworth was never one for burgers. 

**2:00 PM**

“Nick! Did you edit my masterpiece?!” 

“No. I just left a few observations.” 

No, wait, there’s something - 

“HOLD IT, Maya! Your masterpiece?!” 

“Yeah! Niiiiiick, you totally owe me that burger.” 

“Hey, you didn’t tell me the story - I found it myself!” 

“Anyway, you should be ashamed of yourself, reading such things in front of innocent underage kittens!” 

Isn’t she the one writing such things on my computer, in front of Pearls?! 

“Cats are not innocent. Especially not that one.” 

“Mr. Pawsecutor’s just a tiny kitten!” 

The tiny kitten in question hisses at the comment, then gives an uncharacteristically startled look and dashes towards the washroom. 

The door slams shut. 

Oh. 

“Huh? Mr. Nick’s cat can shut doors on its own?” 

This promises to be awkward... 

“Wright? A minute of your time, if you please.” 

Maya’s grin is huge.


End file.
